At swim one bird

I'm deciding to keep up with this blog, for my own purposes, even now that it has no strict academic outlet. Soon I'll be prepping for the arguably even more arduous 3 week trip to Kenya in November, and I'll need this even more. I'm still not happy with how it's reading and my tone and general content. In part that's because I've had to be careful about the audience and the fact that I know it's had to be graded. And I am always a political person so I need to be conscious of not putting anything in print that shouldn't be out there. Having said that, I'm still writing. It was a frustrating thing not to be able to write about the moment that I realized that average, middle-aged white men are still running the world - but perhaps I will document that, complete with photographic evidence, in a month or two.

On a personal level, I am very much still at sea. I seem to be in limbo. Not able to communicate about the issues that are consuming me - issues like the geopolitics of the MidEast, proper application of AIDS funding, and What I'm Going To Do With My Life. This is where my brain is spinning most days. School is starting back up and that will help very much. I seem to be unable to vocalize these thoughts much outside of my academics, so school will get me out and speaking again. Arguably, social interaction and intellectual human conversation is a good thing. I wonder, is this a normal thing when one is undergoing a career change that involves a shift in modes of thinking and emotional perceptions? Do other people have to withdraw and reorient themselves? I am really having difficulties with feeling relevant to the kind of basic neighborhood/suburban conversations that I need to be involved in. Somewhere in Jordan the guidewires that tethered me to my lifestyle here in Oak Park were sheared off. Were my family not so deeply connected, I feel as if I could pick up John and the girls and go any number of places.

So once again, I'm looking for answers. Does anyone have any? I am very humble. If you have any to offer, I would accept them most gratefully. Fast answers, slow answers, long-term, short-term, tomorrow, today. These are very complicated puzzles we're all working out.